"Mortician's prize" joke
A mortician was working late one night preparing bodies for burial. As he examined the body of a Mr. Schwartz, he made an amazing discovery. The man had the largest penis he had ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr.Schwartz," the mortician said, "but this has to be saved for posterity." The mortician detached the dead mans schlong, stuffed it into a briefcase and took it home.
"Honey," he said to his wife as he reached in to recover his prize, "I have something to show you that you won't believe."
"Oh, my God!" she screamed as it came into view. "Schwartz is dead?!"
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
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