"Military Decorations" joke

"What's that medal for, grandpa?"

"Oh, the Purple Heart, sweetie. You're given it when you're injured in the line of duty."

"And that shiny one with the eagle?"

"The Soldier's Medal, hun. I got it for pulling out two guys from a blown-up Humvee and dragging them fifty yards to safety through enemy fire."

"What about that HUGE gold one with Obama giving you a jumping high-five?"

"That's the Epic Win Award for Badass Motherf***ery. I got it for drop kicking a door that killed an´╗┐ insurgent on the other side."

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.


An entrepreneur attended an auction at which he won the bid on an old safe. With dreams of a large fortune inside, he was told that the business from which the safe originated was so long defunct, that no one had the combination. Undaunted, he called a locksmith to try to get more...


Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?
To keep her legs closed


Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!


They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

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