"Lock, Stock and Barrel" joke

An entrepreneur attended an auction at which he won the bid on an old safe. With dreams of a large fortune inside, he was told that the business from which the safe originated was so long defunct, that no one had the combination. Undaunted, he called a locksmith to try to get the safe open.

The first locksmith told the entrepreneur that it would cost forty dollars to open the safe intact. However, tried as he might, he couldn't open it, and told the wealthy man that he had lost his money in buying the safe.

The entrepreneur then contacted another locksmith, a crusty, bent old man with three days' growth of white whiskers, who took a long look at the safe, noted its manufacturer and retired to his truck. Shortly, he returned with a power drill, a ruler, and a small, bent piece of metal.

The locksmith measured a few inches from the dial and marked an "x" at the "2 o'clock" mark. It took more than half an hour for the old man to drill through the safe's door. He then took the bent metal, hooked it through the hole and fished around a few moments until a loud "CLICK" was heard. Turning the handle the door swung open slowly.

The safe was empty.

Disappointed, the entrepreneur turned to the locksmith and asked the charge for opening the safe.

"A hundred and twenty dollars," replied the locksmith.

"A hundred and twenty dollars?!" shouted the businessman, "That's outrageous! The other man only wanted forty! I want an itemized bill for it!"

"Okay." The locksmith turned on his heel and returned to his truck. A few minutes later, the entrepreneur was presented with a dirty piece of paper upon which the locksmith had written:

Charge for drilling hole: $20

Charge for knowing WHERE to drill hole: $100.

China, New Zealand, New England, and Samoa were all building a big Tower for their leaders. So after they were done building the tower each leader wanted to make a toast. China went first. He steps up and says, "I want to make a toast to the Great Wall of China!" All more...

52
35

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

157
32

A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, an acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him. The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here Fred?" The man replies, " I am waiting to more...

1
0

Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

253
96

Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
A: to get to the other side.
Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
A: to get his motorbike back!

11
5
Add a comment
remember me
follow replies
2
0
(0)
Anonym:I too am a locksmith dispatcher, and I know exactly what you mentioned. Although there are honest locksmiths, there are the dishonest ones out there too, who rip people off, and makes the whole industry look bad.
Funny Joke? 27 vote(s). 89% are positive. 2 comment(s).