"Jewish weddings gone bad" joke

A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak...
"Father, I am going to marry!"
His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila... "Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?" says the father. "What is her name?"
"O'Brien" replies the son... "She's Catholic..."
"Oy!" says the father... "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy," says the son.
"Ok...as long as you're happy... my blessings to you both," replies Moisha.
But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah...
Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, "Father... I too will be married soon!"
Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings God's praises...
"What is her name," implores the father?
"Kazalopodopolous," says the son. "She's Greek Orthodox..."
"Oy," says Moisha... "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy, father..."
"Ok... then you, too, have my blessing," intones Moisha.
Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray. "Please God, let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl... to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes. PLEASE!"
Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, "Father! I am to wed in the spring!"
"Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME" his father immediately demands?
"Goldberg!" says Chutzpah! Moisha is beside himself with joy! "Praise God! Praise the Prophets!"
Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, "Is she Doctor Goldberg's daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?"
"No..." says Chutzpah.
"Hmmm," says Moisha, "Must be Attorney Goldberg's daughter Rachel from Hollywood?"
"Ah... no, father" says Chutzpah.
"Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful Son?"
"Whoopi," says Chutzpah.

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

150
29

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

196
41

your mamma is so ugly she makes blind kids scared

196
70

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

42
4

Bill gates has been in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, more...

5
0
Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 15 vote(s). 67% are positive. 0 comment(s).