"Jewish weddings gone bad" joke
A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak...
"Father, I am going to marry!"
His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila... "Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?" says the father. "What is her name?"
"O'Brien" replies the son... "She's Catholic..."
"Oy!" says the father... "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy," says the son.
"Ok...as long as you're happy... my blessings to you both," replies Moisha.
But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah...
Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, "Father... I too will be married soon!"
Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings God's praises...
"What is her name," implores the father?
"Kazalopodopolous," says the son. "She's Greek Orthodox..."
"Oy," says Moisha... "But are you happy?"
"I'm happy, father..."
"Ok... then you, too, have my blessing," intones Moisha.
Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray. "Please God, let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl... to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes. PLEASE!"
Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, "Father! I am to wed in the spring!"
"Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME" his father immediately demands?
"Goldberg!" says Chutzpah! Moisha is beside himself with joy! "Praise God! Praise the Prophets!"
Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, "Is she Doctor Goldberg's daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?"
"No..." says Chutzpah.
"Hmmm," says Moisha, "Must be Attorney Goldberg's daughter Rachel from Hollywood?"
"Ah... no, father" says Chutzpah.
"Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful Son?"
"Whoopi," says Chutzpah.
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, "Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?"Liza Jane was startled and said, "No Rastus you cain't!"Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza more...
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
all we need to do is put a flashlight to your hairline then we will get the batmat symbol