"It seems that Pat, who was 88 had been feelin` po..." joke
It seems that Pat, who was 88 had been feelin` poorly for the past few months. One day his son Seamus convinced him to go see the doctor. After a complete exam, the doctor brought Pat and Seamus into his office. "I`ve got bad news for Pat, your heart`s near given out and you`ve only two months to live." Pat was stunned but after a few minutes he turns to his son and says,"I`ve had a good long life and if the Lord wants me then I`ve no complaints." "Let`s be off to the Pub where I`m after havin` a pint with me friends." Arriving at the pub a few of his cronies spy Pat "Ah Patty how are you feelin` today", says one. "Not good Mike, I`ve been to the doctors and he says I`ve two months to live." "What a shame," says Mike, "and what`s ailin ya"? "The doctor says I have the aids." After a few moments Seamus gets his irish father alone and says, "Da, it`s not aids that ya have, it`s a heart condition." "Sure don`t I know that, I just don`t want them old buggers trying to sleep with your Ma when I`m gone."
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
Maori falla " Me miss!?"
English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute more...