"In the red" joke

Spent my last £50 on a prostitute last night and she was menstruating.
That's me in the red again.

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...

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A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,' I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find' em?'

The pharmacist replied,' Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle more...

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A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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Procrastination is like masturbation...
Sure it feels good at first, but then you realize you're only screwing yourself.

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