"I'm not a handyman" joke
You might not be able to tell by looking at me, but I'm not a handyman. I'm not a fix-it guy at all.
I'm the kind of person that looks at a rolled up piece of pink fiberglass insulation and thinks "Wow, that kinda looks like a big piece of sushi!"
I only know to call it "fiberglass insulation" because I had the opportunity to work along side my father-in-law, a contractor.
Imagine my surprise when one day, we were renovating my house, he turned to me and said "Josh. You hammer like lightning."
I was psyched, until I realized that lightning never hits the same spot twice.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted more...