"I want to die peacefully in my sleep" joke

by Alex

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to more...

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Segway Inc. is recalling all 23,500 of the self-balancing scooters it has shipped to date because of a recently discovered software glitch and not because of it's widley known, original glitch....

Turning regular human beings into giant douche bags.

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crazy_driver_78:I like making passengers scream from my driving on purpose without falling asleep at the wheel. how do you think I got my handle.
Funny Joke? 24 vote(s). 67% are positive. 2 comment(s).