"Gordon Ramsay" joke
Bruce comes home from the pub and sees Sheila watching Gordon Ramsay's F%*#ing cooking show on the telly.
Bruce says; "What are you watching that shit for? You can't cook to save your life!."
To which Sheila replies; "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
One day a man from Alabama comes to Georgia to get an education. He goes to the first professor he sees and says, “What can you teach me?”
Shocked, the professor answers, “Well, I can teach you about the power of reasoning.”
With a questioned look on more...
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...