"Funny Extracts From Insurance Claim Forms" joke

* "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
* "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
* "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
* "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
* "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
* "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
* "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
* "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
* "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
* "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...

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