"Fairy Tales" joke
Big Bad Wolf:
The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits." "Fuck off," she replied as she tugged down her panties. "Eat me, like the fuckin' book says."
Pinocchio:
Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls now?" "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.
Cinderella:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.
The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother, and he took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."
Snow White & Pinocchio:
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Mickey Mouse:
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "No I didn't, I said she is fucking Goofy."
Big Bad Wolf 2:
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest and saw the wolf hiding in the grass.
She said, "What big ears you have," and he says, "The better to hear you with," & he runs off...
Then she sees him hiding behind a tree, & she says, "What big eyes you have," "The better to see you with," he says & runs off...
Then she sees him hiding behind a rock & says, "What big teeth you have," & he says, "Damnit, would you leave me alone? I'm trying to take a poop, damn little nosey brat."
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...
While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a more...