"Centipedes, Slugs and Snails" joke
A snail, a slug and a centipede were spending a day together at the snail's house. It was decided that one of them should go out and get some drinks.
The snail said, "I can't go, it will take me all night." The slug said, "I could go, but if it rains, I haven't got anything to protect me."
With this, they both look at the centipede.
The centipede said, "Okay, okay, I'll go," and he walked out the door.
An hour passed and the centipede wasn't back yet. Another hour and still no sign of him. When another hour passed, the snail and the slug began to worry about the centipede and decided to go look for him.
When they opened the front door, they saw the centipede. They asked, "What are you doing?"
The centipede said, "I'm still putting my shoes on."
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...
While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a more...