"An Italian in America" joke
(must be read with an Italian or other foreign accent)
One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.
Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: 'Peace on you.'
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.
I don't believe in reincarnation, which is strange, because in a previous existence, I did.
Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year
In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more...