"A Few Months Ago" joke

A few months ago, I upgraded from DrinkingMates 4. 2 to Girlfriend 1. 0…
… which I had been told for years wouldn’t give me any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try to run Girlfriend 1. 0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1. 0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3. 1, Football 4. 5, and Playboy 6. 9. Successive versions of Girlfriend 1. 0 (i. e. 1. 001 thru 1. 999) proved no better!
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2. 1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run the new Girlfriend 1. 2 and Girlfriend 1. 0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1. 0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1. 0. While Wife 1. 0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does at least come bundled with CleanHouse 2007.
Shortly after this upgrade however, I found that Wife 1. 0 could be very unstable and extremely costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1. 0’s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1. 0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge 2. Worse still, these latter products have no Help files, and I have to try and guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1. 0 needs updating regularly requiring Adobe ShoeShop, HandBag Searcher and Hairstyle Express, all of which need to be reinstalled every other week.
Also, when Wife 1. 0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1. 0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-in-law, which can’t be turned off.
I’ve recently been tempted to install Mistress 2007, but I’ve heard there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1. 0 detects Mistress 2007 it tends to take total control of your IP address and then permanently locks you out while acquiring all of your shared resources.