Yankee Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
    The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything! The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
    The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The more...

    Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on his mother, every time they hit a bump he had a baby brother!

    By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
    YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF: You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY! You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. You don't know what a moon pie is. You've never had an RC cola. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips. You have no idea what a polecat is. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. You don't have bangs. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut. You would rather have your son become a more...

    Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the

    They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.
    Out of respect and propriety the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.
    The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

    The police were called and when the officer arrived he
    conducted his inspection. First he lifted up the Cubs cap
    replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next he lifted the
    Sox cap replaced it and wrote down some more notes.

    The officer then lifted the Yankees cap replaced it then lifted it again replaced it lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time.

    The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked What
    are you a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and
    looking more...

    A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
    When the subway car's lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face.
    The Yankee fan is thinking, "That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead."
    Pamela is thinking, "That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it."
    And the Met fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the subway car's lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%!! Yankee fan again."

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