Yahoo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mergers that may or may not make the world a funnier place:

There was a rumor that W. R. Grace Co. was going to buy the Fuller Brush Co. and Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This would result in the new mega-corporate entity known as:' Hale Mary Fuller Grace.'

Don't forget the failed merger between Yahoo and Netscape....Net'n'yahoo.... (say it out loud) A great number of years ago there was a proposed merger between Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers. Rumor had it that the new company would be called. ... Fairwell Honeychild.

It was announced that Wurlitzer is merging with Xerox. They are going to market. .. reproductive organs.

There is a merger in the works involving Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler. It will be called. .. Poly-Warner-Cracker.

Other Merger's we'd like to see:

3M & Goodyear.......................... mmmGood
John Deere & more...

Honeywell & Imasco & Home Oil = Honey, I'm Home.
Denison Mines & Alliance & Metal Mining = Mine, All Mine.
3M & JC Penney & Canadian Opera Company = 3 Penney Opera.
Crabtree & Evelyn and Apple Computer = Crab Apple.
Swissair & Cheseborough-Ponds = Swisscheese.
John Deere & Abitibi-Price = Deere Abi.
And don't forget the failed merger between Yahoo and Netscape: Net'n'Yahoo. It didn't work out because they were afraid they would have to relocate the headquarters to Tel Aviv.

Stock Market Dictionary for this year's investor:

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after more...

Yahoo has reached an agreement with the investor Carl Icahn that will stop him from trying to replace its board. Mr. Icahn will withdraw his attempt to take over Yahoo's Board of Directors, and in return Yahoo promised to link to his blog from their website.

A boy was playing internet games on Yahoo. Finding it hilarious, he had named himself "emilycheesehotchick". One time, while playing pool, his opponent messaged to him "Want to have cyber sex...?" Curiousity took over him, and so he replied "Sure!".
Thus followed a hot and mostly one-sided cyber sex, when all of a sudden, his mother came into the room.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" asked his mother.
"I...I....I'm having cybersex with someone on Yahoo..." he replied.
The mother paused...and then asked,
"Are you emilycheesehotchick...?"

A spokesperson for Microsoft said there is no interest at all in buying Yahoo. Microsoft Word now recognizes the term "buying Yahoo" as a synonym for "fixing Vista".

A featured Yahoo! news item titled "How the French Stay so Slim" explained that the French stay thin by eating slowly and drinking wine instead of liquor.

That, and f**king anything that moves.