Worker Jokes / Recent Jokes

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!" The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!" The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!""No, I am terribly sorry" says the man, "this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!" As there were no other applicants and he felt sorry for him, the man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at more...

There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said' 'Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed -- not like he could do anything else -- and he was on his way.
When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, “Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits. ” Then the worker replied, “That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward. ” So he fixed the wall. Satan, intrigued, asked, “What else can you build? ” So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it.
Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, “I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven. ” Satan replied, more...

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.
When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God.
A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me."
The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved more...

They were two guys who just loved Italian sausage touring Italy. Right before they left Italy they went on a tour of an Italian meat factory and talked to one Italian worker. They said "
can we see your Italian sausage?"
. The worker said with a smirk "
sure!"
and whipped out his ding-a-ling. The tourists were disgusted and ran away. They came upon another worker and asked him the same question. He said "
well if you really want to..."
and whipped out his thing. The tourists were disgusted and ran away. Finally when they were getting ready to leave they saw one more worker. So they decide to ask this guy the same question. The guys response was... "
hold on i keep it in the freezer"

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her.When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God.A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me."The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved on.The waters rose once more...

WARNING

Don't go to the bathroom on November 8th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who goes #2 on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.

I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said.
So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."