Wood Jokes / Recent Jokes

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn more...

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.Log Off: Don't add no wood.Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.Byte: That's what the flies do.Chip: What to munch on.Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.Port: Fancy wine.Enter: C'mon in.Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that more...

a man walks into a hardware stores looking for wood to build his house he then sees jesus and says "be not afraid i come to your aid" and gives him a referell of wood he buys the wood and asks how he knows this, jesus replies "just trust me"he does and leaves. the next day he returns for nails and jesus shows up again and reffers him he buys the nails and asks how he knows this jesus replies "just trust me " he does and leaves. the man starts to build his house and relizes he has no money for food so he thinks jesus can solve his problem he goes to see him and gives him a referell of fish and bread but before he leaves he asks jesus will this keep him fed and jesus replies "for fucks sake you come in here spouting your problems you want to know how i know about the wood the nails and the fish i was put on the cross nailed to it and had nothin to eat for 2000 years so i got problems"

Log On:Making the wood stove hotter.
Log Off:Don't add wood.
Monitor:Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download:Getting the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz:When you're not careful downloading (watch the toes!)
Floppy Disk:What you get from piling too much wood.
RAM:The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive:Getting home in mud season.
Prompt:What you wish the mail was in mud season.
Windows:What to shut when it's 30 below.
Screen:What you need for black fly season.
Byte:What black flies do.
Chip:What to munch on.
Micro Chip:What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
Infrared:Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.
Modem:What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix:Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top:Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard:Where you hang your keys.
Software:Plastic eating utensils.
Mouse:What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
Main Frame:The part of the barn that more...

TOP15. Some of the myths about marriage... Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. His wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping more...

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don't add no wood. Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'. Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood. Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood. Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season. Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter. Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below. Screen: What' cha need for the black fly season. Byte: That's what the flies do. Chip: What to munch on. Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag. Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around. Modem: What' cha did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife. Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy. Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys. Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils. Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain. Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof. Port: Fancy wine. Enter: C'mon in. Random Access Memory: You can't remember more...