Williams Jokes / Recent Jokes

Many people have noticed that Tolkien's novel "The Lord of the
Rings" bears an uncanny resemblance to the game of Dungeons and
Dragons, in that it contains elves, dwarves, orcs and so forth.
Clearly Tolkien was much influenced by D&D, and a recently
unearthed recording, probably made by MI5, shows him playing
Dungeons and Dragons on the floor of his rooms in Merton College,
Oxford, one evening, with C.S. Lewis, Charles Williams, and
various other luminaries.
Here is part of the transcript of the recording, which all will
agree is of great historical interest.
C.S. Lewis: Well, Tom, it's really good of you to come along and
act as Dungeon Master for the evening. Haven't enjoyed myself so
much since I played in G.K. Chesterton's dungeon and slew Father
Brown.
T.S. Eliot (for it is he): Thanks. Anyway, is Father Aslan going
to go and explore the Waste Land further yet, or will he have
another drink?
Lewis: That more...

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked,' 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'' She responded,' 'Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.''

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked,' 'Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?'' She again replied,' 'Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal more...

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74, 000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was more...

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking more...

"We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us
off, and we'll bomb your cities."
-Robin Williams

On a visit to The Ellen DeGeneres show, Robin Williams said that he and his estranged wife are proceeding with their divorce in a civil manner. The couple has three children – Zelda, 18, Cody, 16, and Robin, 56.

Michael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming," he recalled."That's terrible," said Williams. "How'd you ever get any sleep?""At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," replied Irvin.