Welsh Jokes / Recent Jokes
Now that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has become
firmly established in Hollywood, and Charlotte
Church is a well-known celebrity slapper in the UK,
the Welsh film industry is to receive additional
funding to step up production. They are going to
remake many well known films, but this time with a
Welsh flavour.
The following are planned for release this year...
* 9
There are three guys walking together along the Welsh/English border...a Welshman, a Scot, and an Englishman. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out,' I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes.'
To this, the Scot says' I am a sheep herder. My dad's a sheep herder, his dad was a sheep herder, and my son will be one too. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms'...' FOOM!' all the land in Scotland was full of an infinite supply of sheep farms.
The Englishman was amazed. He said' I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out'...' FOOM!!' there was a wall around England.
The Welshman says' Tell me more about this wall.'
The genie says' Well, its about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.'
After a moment of consideration, the Welshman says' Fill it with water.'
I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. a. You can legally kill yourself
3. b. You can legally be killed
4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
Copenhagen is your capital.....
6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...
Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:
The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant.
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari.
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants.
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants.
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money.
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People.
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-
6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant.
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants.
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.