Waste Jokes / Recent Jokes

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years...I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.-Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.-William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.-Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.-Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.-Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.-AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.-G.K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.-Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.-Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.-AnonymousDrinking provides a beautiful more...

A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that? s right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you more...

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

A painter was asked how the visitors to his new exhibition liked the paintings.
They were divided into 2 groups, said the painter, half said it was a complete waste of paint and the other half said it was a complete waste of canvas.

ONE OF THE BEST RESIGNATION LETTER EVER!
Dear Mr. Baker, As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many more...

General Tikka Khan of Pakistan and his troops left behind a sizeable anthology of jokes in Bangladesh which are still recounted there. The pattern of those jokes is very much the same as those manufactured by the Jews under Hitlerite tyranny.
A farmer brought his prize rooster to sell in the market.' What do you feed that bird that he is so big?' asked a Pathan solider of the Pakistan army.'
'I feed it rice, sir,' replied the farmer.
'How dare you waste rice on the bird while we are short of food?' said the Pathan and seized the bird.
The next day the farmer brought another rooster to sell.' What do you feed that bird that he is so big?' demanded a Baluch soldier of the Pakistan army.
'Sir, I feed it with ghee,' replied the farmer.
'How dare your waste ghee on a bird while we are short of food!' swore the Baluchi as he seized the bird.
On the third day the poor farmer brought his last remaining rooster to the market. This time a Punjabi Mussalman more...

HAPPINESS IS...
Infantry: A good rifle
Cavalry: A big tank
Artillery: A loud boom
UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise
Cavalry: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?
OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste of rations
Cavalry: Waste of rations
Artillery: Waste of rations
IDEA OF FUN
Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the objective
Cavalry: Racing across a grid square on "full stab"
Artillery: Leveling a grid square
FAVOURITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!
BIGGEST LUXURY IN THE FIELD
Infantry: Engineers blowing trenches for them with C4
Cavalry: Grunts to dig their trenches for them
Artillery: Cable
A LONG ROUTE MARCH WITH FULL KIT
Infantry: 20 clicks
Cavalry: From the hangars to the tank
Artillery: more...