Wait Jokes / Recent Jokes

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"
The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

A sailor arrives at port after having been at sea for six long months. Being extremely horny, the first thing he does upon setting foot on terra firm is to head straight to the nearest brothel. He goes right up to the madam and says,' How much?' The madam replies that her girls charge two hundred dollars and that she has only one immediately available. The sailor feels that this seems a bit pricey, but in his desperate condition he has no choice. He agrees to the terms and is shown upstairs to a room to await the arrival of the woman. When the hooker gets to the room, she opens the door only to find the sailor furiously jerking off.' Wait a minute!' cries the hooker.' What are you doing?' The sailor looks up at her and answers,' Hey, for two hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to let you have the easy one, do you?'

God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision... I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that Windows95, among other things. I believe I'll do something I've never done before...
I'll let YOU decide where you want to go.
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'll do better than that. I'll let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you want to visit first... Heaven or Hell?"
Bill said, "I think I'll try Hell first."
So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place... a bit warm... with sandy beaches and tall more...

One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $80, 000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas!"
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were' pulling out,' and mommy said that' you should wait because she was coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna get stuck with your $80, 000 mortgage!"

There was once a very crafty and cunning thief who had all his life practiced theft without ever being caught red-handed. Now he was getting old and his son, fearing that his art of stealing might to be lost forever with his death, begged him to disclose the secret of his success."There's no secret to be handed down to you, son," replied the old thief. "Just go ahead and do it yourself, that's all."One evening, the young thief sneaked into the bedroom of a rich man. There he found a large wardrobe which was by chance not locked. Hiding himself in the wardrobe, he intended to wait until the master of the house had gone to sleep and then come out and make off with whatever he could lay hands on. Hardly had the master of the house gone to bed when he remembered that he had forgotten to lock the wardrobe. So he immediately got up to fasten the lock. Trapped in the wardrobe, the young thief did not know how to extricate himself. As the night wore on, he was getting more more...

WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look more...

Here's some advice Bill Gates dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they would not learn in school. He talked about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1
Life is not fair-get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your more...