Wait Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they were very thirsty. They were walking down the road and came to a pub called The Queen's Head, but it didn't open for another 25 minutes. They thought that was too long to wait for a drink, so they continued on and came to another pub.
This pub was called The Queen's Arms, but it didn't open for another 20 minutes and they thought that was just as bad as the first pub, so they walked on. Eventually, they came to another pub.
This one was called The Queen's Legs and it was to open in 5 minutes, so they decided to wait. While they were waiting, an old man came along and asked what they were waiting for.
The Englishman replied, "We're waiting for The Queen's Legs to open so we can get a drink."
The old man turned around and said, "You disgust me!" and with that, he walked off.

In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a nonsmoking area, " If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."
On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window, " We really know our stuff."
On a butcher's window, " Let me meat your needs."
On a fence, " Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership, " The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop, " No appointment necessary. more...

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "Just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about more...

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit! 6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say, "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the more...

A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing, "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again... " The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. "Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again. "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..." "So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery. "But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student. more...

Lunch Bagil Lunch Kondu Pokan Pattum... But School Bagil School Kondu Pokan Pattumo???
Bus stoppinte aduthu wait cheythal BUS varum... Full stoppinte aduthu wait cheythal oru FULL varumo...???. . potte oru quarter engilum...
Auto Driver Ayal Auto Odikkan Pattum!!! But Screw Driver Ayal screw Odikkan Pattumo???
Lux Rs. 9. 50 Lyril Rs. 10. 50 Chandrika Rs. 12. 00 Jeeva Rs. 8. 00 Eethu venamenkilum vangitharam Onnu kulichal mathi!!!
Want to see the greatest tourist spot - Munnaru? 666!!!!!!! enni nokkikke moonnar illennu... ha ha!
Idly Podi Thotu Idly Kazhikkam, Ennal Mooku Podi Thotu Mooku kazhikkam pattumo??
Keralathil motham 679 puzhayum, 1234 aruviyum 2345 kulavumunde. Onnu poyi kulichu koode?
Niraparayum Nilavilakkum Thengin Thoppum oormayil Sukshikkunna Malayalikku Oru Thiruvonam Kudi. Nanma Niranja Oonashamsakal
Engineering Collegil Padichal Engineer Akam. Ennal Presidency Collegil Padichal President Akan Pattumo??
Cycilil poyal cycling more...

Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah
Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time
Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.