Village Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    My village is holding their annual incest competition.
    I've entered my Sister

    An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
    The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
    The Mexican replied that it took only a little while.
    The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
    The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?
    The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senior."
    The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds more...

    Our secretary heard this during a talent show at a retirement village.
    A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this
    very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
    and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off great.
    They continued to see each other for a while and enjoyed each other
    so much, and danced so well together, etc., that they decided to
    get married.
    On their wedding night, they went to bed and he reached over and took her
    hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to
    On the second night, when they went to bed, he reached over and
    squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
    On the third night, he reached over and took her hand, and she said, "Not
    tonight, honey, I have a headache."

    A COUNTRY bumpkin was suffering from an indigestion problem, and some of his friends in the village recommended that he see the village doctor who enjoyed a good reputation. Soon the bumpkin entered the doctor's room and told him of his bouts of indigestion. The doctor, seeing his poor financial condition, wrote out a carminative prescription and asked him to hand it to the compounder in the adjoining room. In a little while the mixture was ready, and the compounder had put six marks on a strip of paper and pasted it on the bottle. He told the patient to take one mark after a major meal. The villager went home, and after taking his noon meal, peeled off one mark and ate it. Likewise he took all the marks and went to the doctor to get some more of the mixture. The doctor laughed and contemplated how faith moves a mountain!

    Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."
    Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.
    The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."
    The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."
    The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
    The second more...

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