Victoria Jokes / Recent Jokes

TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9. No thanks, just sniffing8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind7. Mom will love this6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here4. Will you model this for me? 3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace! 2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!! And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!

A man travelling on a train ask the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.

"This train doesn't stop at Victoria, it's the express."

"You are joking!, I NEED to get off at Victoria!"

"Sorry sir. This train will not stop at Victoria."

"There must be something you can do."

"Well there is one thing. .."

"What? anything! I need to get off!"

"Well, I'll get the driver to slow down and I'll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"My God! Will that work?"

"It's worth a try."

The train approaches the platform at 50 mph. The ticket collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running! The man is running in mid-air.

"Run faster! Run faster!" The ticket collector lowers the man down.

The man's feet touch the more...

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the
most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the
counter goes and gets an outfit. "This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!" The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me."
His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and
thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference." So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and
strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks.
Her husband then complains, "Darn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the dang more...

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
"This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!"
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference."
So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.
"So, how do you like it?" she asks. Her husband then complains, "Darn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the dang thing!

A man travelling on a train ask the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.
"This train doesn't stop at Victoria, its the express"
"Your joking!, I NEED to get off at Victoria"
"Sorry sir, this train will not stop at Victoria"
"There must be something you can do"
"Well there is one thing"
"What, anything, I need to get off"
"Well, I'll get the driver to slow down and I'll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform"
"My god! Will that work"
"Its worth a try"
The train approaches the platform at 50 mph
The ticket collector hangs the man in mid air out the door,
The man starts running. The man is running in mid air.
"Run faster! Run faster!"
The ticket collector lowers the man down.
The mans feet touch the platform! Smoke flies of his shoes and his heel comes off. The man is running for his more...

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than
30 can fit into their stuff.

WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong.

We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots more...