Varies Jokes / Recent Jokes
Laws of Household PhysicsEver notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples: 1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved. 2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one. 3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window. 4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed. 5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage. 6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight. 7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers. 8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature. 9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers. 10. What goes up must come down, except for bubble more...
The bowler's mother watched proudly from the stand. Next to her, a spectator turned to his companion.
'He's a good bowler,' he said,' But his length varies.'
'Don't be ridiculous,' interrupted the mother.' He's five foot seven, and always has been!'
The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can more...