Units Jokes / Recent Jokes
Handy Metric to English system conversions and units
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameterEskimo Pi
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital1 I.V. League
2000 pounds of Chinese soupWon Ton
0.000001 cc. mouthwash1 microscope
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrierMach Turtle
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hourknot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer1 lite year 16.5 feet in the
Twilight Zone1 Rod Serling
0.5 large intestine1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches1 megahertz
1,000 murderers on a chaingang1 kilohertz
Weight an evangelist carries with God1 billigram
Basic unit of laryngitis1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokesa straight line
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement1 bananosecond
1/2 bath1 demijohn
Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", the first step more...
For all you engineers (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units....
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards? = 1 decacards
18. 1 more...
Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
Anytown USA (Offices around the World)
FEATURES
Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video Inputs
Dual Audio Inputs
Audio Output
Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
Auto Search for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Auto Sleep When Not in Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Self Cleaning
Production Details
After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.
These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...
Schemmer’s Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations.
Simmons’s Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.
SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won’t. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves.
Thoreau’s Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program’s commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command more...
Law #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.Law #2: Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.Law #3: In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.Law #4: The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.Law #5: The most vital dimension on any plan drawing stands the most chance of being omitted.Law #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.Law #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.Law #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.Law #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly complete.Law #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.Law #11: Interchangeable parts won't.Law #12: Manufacturer's more...
Schemmer's Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations.
Simmons's Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event.
SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won't. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves.
Thoreau's Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure. 2) more...