Understand Jokes / Recent Jokes

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man +smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man +dumb woman =pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss +smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at more...

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ” A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ”

Family Law Judge to Mother: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?

Mother: I do.

Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?

Mother: Sure. I get everything I want.

Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA more...

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative.



"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"



The little boy nodded yes.



"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"



Again the little boy nodded.



"Good," said the coach.



"Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.

So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's more...