Trouble Jokes / Recent Jokes

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN...
... the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.
... the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.
... my assistant began responding to my memos with, "Yeah, whatever."
... I got a "It`s for you loser" wav receiving e-mail, & not a chime.
... my new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend.
... the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record.
... the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract.
... I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work.
... my parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.
... my secretary sez things like "Get the phone, my nails aren`t dry."
... three people began helping me write a "desk manual" for my job.
... the LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.
... a large paper recycling box was placed more...

Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for Sex." My court case comes up next Thursday. One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, more...

Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:

Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Support: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",

Support: "Went away?"

Customer:"They disappeared."

Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing."

Support: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"

Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Support: "Never more...

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

Nugent needed legal advice, so he walked into the office of Gregory, Ellis and Gregory. Nugent sat down at the desk of the senior member of the firm."If you're not rally in bad trouble, I'll take the case," said Gregory. "If you're in a real jam and want to get out of it, my partner will handle it.If, on the other hand, you're not involved and want to get in trouble, my on, who just graduated from law school, will take it!"

MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities more...

MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.2. Nothing improves with age.3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.4. Sex has no calories.5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.8. No sex with anyone in the same office.9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.12. Virginity can be cured.13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't more...