Trial Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat
the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the
lawyer. The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.“Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of August 12th last, at approximately midnight, in the locale known generally as Lover's Lane, did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, did the defendant have a climax?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Jaguars."

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?"Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didnt know there would be women on the jury. Since I cant even fool my wife, Ill never be able to fool the four women jurors."

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas."

A man who was chosen for jury duty wanted very much to be dismissed from serving. He tried just about every excuse he could come up with, but nothing worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more try. Just as the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I feel I must be excused from this trial since I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those sneaky, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said,' He's a crook! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!' Therefore, your Honor, I could not possibly remain on this jury."
Glaring at him, the Judge replied, "Get yourself back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer!"

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client who had attended the trial was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client. The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading "Justice has triumphed!"
The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you on network marketing.

2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

7. A prison guard is shaving your head.

8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said. .."

12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge more...