Travelling Jokes / Recent Jokes

A travelling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house. The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn't resist going over and talking to him. "You look as if you don't have a care in the world," the salesman told him. "What is your formula for a long and happy life?" "Well," replied the little old man, "I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night." "My goodness," exclaimed the salesman, "that's just great! How old are you?" "Twenty-five," was the reply.

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1. Which of the following was one of the famous Marx Brothers?
a. STRETCH
b. SKID
c. HARPO
d. TYRE
2. The number missing from the series (1, 2, 4,.., 16) is:
a. YELLOW
b. GERANIUM
c. 8
d. TYRE
3. The letter missing from the series (a, b, c,.., e) is:
a. z
b. b
c. d
d. TYRE
4. A man walks into a Barber Shop, with $5. 00. He buys more...

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not even the same size!" "You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick. Included in the price was a certificate of the skulls authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself. Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the antique shop owner if he had any more bargains. "Ive got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "Its the genuine skull of Saint Patrick". "You swindler!" shouted the American. "You sold me that ten years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, theyre not even the same size!""You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of Saint Patrick when he was a lad."

Three accountants and three engineers are travelling by train to a convention. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers buy only one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" one of the accountants asks. "Watch and you'll see," an engineer says.
They all board the train. The three accountants take their respective seats, but the three engineers cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants watched this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the convention, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
They all arrive at the station and the three more...

Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle EastAKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun. FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart. SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life. AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car. FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genitel appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public. MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency. TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must have the recipe. Regards, MPAGE@bcsc02. gov. bc. ca BCSC / DNS

The following item was extracted from the travel section of a UK daily newspaper: Travelling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable - and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.
Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on an ancient text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English.
ARTICLE I
The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
ARTICLE II
The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, Jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
ARTICLE III
All wheeled vehicles more...