Transmission Jokes

Four guys are flying to Japan in their own jet. One's a Texan, one's a Mexican, one's is a French man, and the other is an Englishman. A radio transmission says to throw out all the luggage because there is too much weight to land. So they do. Then they get another transmission that says three will have to jump out because there is still too much weight. So the French man goes to the door and says.'' Viva Le France.'' and he jumps. The Englishman says,'' Long live the King.'' and he jumps out. So the Texan and the Mexican go to the door. They look at each other, and the Texan grabs the Mexican and throws him out the door and says,'' Remember the Alamo!''

This man responded to an add in the paper to buy some realestate. The add read that it featured 20 acres of prime bottom land and since that's what he was interested in he hurried to look at it. Upon arriving the owner invited him to look at the run down house but he declined saying it was really the land he was interested in. So the owner told him to walk around and take a good look. He did. And in doing so he came across an old hand dug well that he couldn't see the bottom of so he tosses a rock into it and listens for the splash. He waits and there is no splash. So he figures that it must have hit the side or something and he gets a slightly larger rock and drops that in, carefully holding it above the center of the well. He waits. Still no splash! So damnit he can't find a bigger rock but about 10 feet away he sees an old rusty transmission case and he drops that into the well and listens for the splash. Suddenly he hears galloping behind him and when he turns his head and glances more...

There are many transmission lines that crisscross Connecticut. These are held up by transmission towers of various constructions. Those most commonly installed near urban areas are called "metal ornamental towers" (supposedly prettier than wood towers). Sometimes adventurous climb the towers in order to enjoy the view and the night air. Most stay away from the wires, and when they get bored, come back down.

Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent spat with his girlfriend needed some fresh air to clear his head and decided to climb a tower. He stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his thoughts, went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91, and climbed it. Public Service employees later pieced the story together.

The man sat there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer and consoled his bruised ego. After 5 beers, he needed to do what people often need to do after 5 beers. It being such a long hike down, he unzipped and did his business right more...

What if people bought cars like they buy computers? General Motors
doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive,
because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But imagine if
they did...
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and
nothing happened!"
Helpline: "Did you put the key in the ignition and
turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Helpline: "It's a starter motor that draws current
from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come
I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
Helpline: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: more...

Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy
Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth
Department of Computer Science, University of Waterloo
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada N2L 3G1
With such a large selection of programming languages it can be
difficult to choose one for a particular project. Reading the manuals to
evaluate the languages is a time consuming process. On the other hand,
most people already have a fairly good idea of how various automobiles
compare. So in order to assist those trying to choose a language, we
have prepared a chart that matches programming languages with comparable
automobiles.
Assembler
A Formula I race car. Very fast, but difficult to drive and
expensive to maintain.
FORTRAN II
A Model T Ford. Once it was king of the road.
FORTRAN IV
A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77
A six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and
no seat belts.
COBOL
A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but more...