Toys Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa Claus is making his rounds, and suddenly becomes startled by a
beautiful woman gracefully walking down the stairs in a very sheer
nightgown.
"Santa Claus, will you make love to me?" she asks seductively
Santa replies" Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa's gota go... Gota deliver toys to all the
good little girls and boys."
The lady, removing her nightgown is now in a very tight and lacy teddy
and again asks:"Santa Claus, will you make love to me?"
Santa, sweating now, gains his composure and still replies "Ho, Ho, Ho,
Santa's gota go... Gota deliver toys to all the good little girls and
boys."
The beautiful woman proceeds to take off the teddy, revealing her
worderfully formed nude body and again asks: "Santa Claus, will you make
love to me?" even more seductively
Santa, can't take it anymore and replies" Hey, hey, hey, Looks like
Santa's gotta stay...there ain't now way I'm getting more...

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."
The guy bought the bird and took it home.
Next day, the guy was back in the petstore to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.
The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.
Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.
And, like clockwork, more...

Der next night vas Christmas
Der night it vas still
Der stockings ver hung
By der shimney to fill.
Nothing vas sturring
At all in der Haus
For fear dot St. Nicklaus
Vos nichts komm heraus.
Der shuldren vas tucked
Away in der betts
And Mama in her nacht gown
And I on ahead
Vas searching around
In her trunk for der toys
Ve krept round quiet
To not make der noise.
Now Mama was carrying
Der toys in her gown
Showing her person
Von up her vaist down.
Wenn as ve komm near
Der crib uff our boy
Our youngest, our sweetest
Our pride und our joy.
His eyes opened vider
As he peeked from his cot
And seen everything
Dot his Mutter has got.
But he didn't take notice
Der toys in her lap
But chust asked
"For who is dot lettle fur cap?"
His mudder said "Hush!"
And she laught mit delight
"I tink I give more...

Toys You Won't See (at Toys R Us) This Christmas
Drill' Em' N Fill' Em" Home Dentistry Kit
Boobs in a Bottle" Breast Enlargement Formula
"Jump-Start" Home Defibrilator Save someone from a heart attack
without the hassle of rushing them to a hospital!
"Golden Shower" Beer The only alcoholic beverage made from 100%
recycled beer.
"Time Life Books Presents Home Surgery"
'Stripper Fun' Barbie
The Book of Mormon, Episode II
"No Thanks" Trapdoor for Solicitors Installed with iron spikes,
crocodiles cost extra
"Balz-Off" Testosterone Repressor
Keychain Belly Rings Hang your keys on your belly button!
' Gynecologist' Ken Comes with' Sexy Patient' Barbie

A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking.
"Yes," the pet store owner said, "this bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions." The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back & said the parrot had yet to say a word.
"That's to be expected," said the pet shop owner. "Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you." Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot's owner returned & said there still had been no talking.
"I see," said the pet shop owner. "Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it." A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same more...

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
***
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
***
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some more...

A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking.
"Yes," the pet store owner said, "this bird has a vocabulary of about 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions."
The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back and said the parrot had yet to say a word.
"That's to be expected," said the pet shop owner. "Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you." Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot's owner returned and said there still had been no talking.
"I see," said the pet shop owner. "Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it." A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with more...