Totally Jokes / Recent Jokes

The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic.
So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters. The first poster is a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".
"That should have worked", said the friend."
He replied, "Well, I didn't know Arabic, neither did I realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered.
The first guy said, ”Hey, I’ll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you! ”
Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, ”YOU’RE ON! ”
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. ”WOW, ” screamed the 2nd guy, ”That was incredible. Do it again! ”
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. ”That is remarkable. Do it one more time! ”
”Ok, ” said the first guy, ”But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it. ”
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. ”Your turn, ” he said.
So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. more...

What Do You Call An English Teacher
"Five Feet Tall, Covered From Head To Toe In Boils And Totally Bald? Sir!"

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally
prepared for the test.
And best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold
that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a more...