Torture Jokes / Recent Jokes

there was once a man who needed food & water in a huge forest.
the man found a hut, when he got inside he found a chinese family living living there. The chinese father of the family said he could stay on one condition that he was never to touch his daughter the man thought that was ok . while they were having the meal he could see what the chinese man ment 'cos the daughter was flirting with him . That night the man slept with the mans daughter having a night of passion and sex .
later that night the man slipped back into his own room but earlier the man warned him of the three chinese tortures. when the man woke up he had a big rock on his stomach he thought it was no big deal it said on the rock chinese torture number 1, 'big rock on stomach'so he threw the rock out of the window but the rock rolled over and it read chinese torure number 2'rock tied to left testical' so the thought adout jumping out of the window with the rock but the rock rolled over again and read chinese more...

What's the difference between pleasure and torture?

Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE STAR WARS CHARACTERS WOULD KICK BUTT IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE
10) In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "STUN."
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp. The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
7) One word: Lightsabers.
6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
2) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "SlaveI."
1) Picard pilots the more...

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE STAR WARS CHARACTERS WOULD KICK BUTT IN THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE10) In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "STUN."9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp. The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.7) One word: Lightsabers.6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.2) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "SlaveI."1) Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse more...

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small
house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man
with a
long gray beard.
"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much
as lay
a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst
Chinese
tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as
well,
and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,
beautiful and
had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as
she
couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old
man's
warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room
for a
night of passion. more...

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? __________ If NO, explain_____________________________________________________________________________________________Number of years married________If less than your age, Explain__________________________________________________________________________________________________Do you own a van? _____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ A waterbed? __________ A pickup with a mattress in the back? ______A condom? ______ Pornography? _______ Do you more...

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than more...