Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St.
Pete is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of
entering. Saint Peter goes through the books several times,
furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you
did
anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad
either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed
that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one
time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK
Biker Gang Members assaulting this poor guy. I slowed down my
car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50
of' em torturing this guy.
Infuriated, I get out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk,
and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a
studded leather jacket and a chain more...

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"
The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms–so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare. They couldn’t fix it for a long time and were late more...

This couple out on a date get a flat tire while driving along on a snowy night. They guy gets out to change the tire, but he doesn't have any gloves so before long he gets back in the car with the job half-done, his hands blue from the cold.
"Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," offers his gal. So he does, then gets out to finish the job.
It's so cold, however, that he has to come back one more time to warm his hands, again between her legs.
Finally, he finishes the job and gets back into the car, and is about to put the keys into the ignition when she asks, "Aren't your ears cold too?"

Reading jerry298's story about the life-raft in the VW inspired me to write
down an incident that happened to me about 10 years ago. Like Jerry, it
took me about 5 years to see the humor in it.
About 10 years ago, I bought a used van to drive back and forth to my cottage
on weekends. It had previously been owned by a company called "Canada Dredge
and Dock." This gave it some notoriety since they were at the time involved
in a big local political scandal involving rigged bidding on dredging
contracts.
One weekend at the cottage I was giving it a good cleaning out
when I discovered a red cylinder labeled "Emergency Flare" in one of the door
pockets. I thought "Well, that's not a bad thing to have in the car." and
left it there. Sure enough, on the way home that weekend, we had a flat tire.
I should say that our cottage is in the middle of a very popular vacation
area north of Toronto, and the weekend in more...

Santa is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Santa is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Santa was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
Santa is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.
"Hey! Why don`t you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That`ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something."
Santa is startled by the patient`s seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident.
Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I`m in here because I`m crazy, not because I`m stupid."

This couple out on a date get a flat tire while driving along on a snowy night. They guy gets out to change the tire, but he doesn't have any gloves so before long he gets back in the car with the job half-done, his hands blue from the cold."Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," offers his gal. So he does, then gets out to finish the job.It's so cold, however, that he has to come back one more time to warm his hands, again between her legs.Finally, he finishes the job and gets back into the car, and is about to put the keys into the ignition when she asks, "Aren't your ears cold too?"