Thorn Jokes / Recent Jokes
Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19. 36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova' Swing' on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11. 15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator more...
A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot.
The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot.
The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
The elephant then continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself.
It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the States.
He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it KNOWS him.
The man wonders, "Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look.
With the elephant still giving him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the elephant's more...
An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn inher foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So theelephant says, "Help me, help me." But the ant refuses unless theelephants agrees to let the ant have his wicked way with her. Replies the elephant, "Anything! Anything!"So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoyhimself. Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, whowitnessed the whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequentlyhe fell out of the tree on top of the elephant. Says the elephant: "Ouch!"Says the ant, in his own little frenzy: "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"
An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by. So the elephant says, “Help me, help me. ” But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his wicked way with her. Replies the elephant, “Anything! Anything! ”
So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself. Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree on top of the elephant.
Says the elephant: “Ouch! ”
Says the ant, in his own little frenzy: “Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!! ”
Q: Why did the chicken not walk on the thorn?
A: Because it didn't want to get poked
Q: Why did the chicken swallow the thorn?
A: So it didn't have to step on it
Q: Why was the road bumpy?
A: Because it had loads of bumps
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to get out a copy of The Ethical Consumer (or similar) and discover to his/her horror that the manufacturer (Thorn Lighting) is part of Thorn EMI who are involved in, errrr, I dunno, testing software on mainframes or making farms for 3rd world potaters or something.
In the Amazon rain forest, three explorers were walking. One was Irish, another English, and the last American. Soon, they came across a tribe, and the leader of the tribe told them that if they wanted to pass through this territory, they had to pass the three caves test. The explorers agreed and asked what the three cave test was.
The leader of the tribe took them to the caves, where he said, "Inside the first, there are three bottles of rum, each 100 years old and said to be toxic. You have to drink one each. In the second is a lion with a thorn in his foot. You must remove the thorn. In the third is a woman who has never been satisfied, and she must be satisfied."
The three men were hesitant but could not back out, so the American went into the first cave, drank the bottle, and died soon afterward. The Englishman was second. He went into the first cave, drank the bottle, then went into the second cave. There was a lot of commotion and roaring. No one emerged more...