Thank Jokes / Recent Jokes

' Thank you for calling Technical Support.'

(This is kind of long... just like waiting for Tech Support)

All of our technicians are currently busy helping people even less competent than you, so please hold for the next available technician. The waiting time is now estimated at between fifteen minutes and eternity. In order to expedite your call, please punch your 63-digit product identification number onto your telephone touch pad, followed by your product serial number, which can be found in a secret compartment inside your computer where, for security purposes, it is printed in the smallest typeface known to mankind. Do that now.

(Lengthy excerpt from Mahler's' Lugubrious' Symphony in C Minor)

Thank you again for calling Technical Support. We recommend that you sit at your computer, preferably turning it on at some point, and have at hand all your floppy disks, CD-ROM disks, computer manuals and ori- ginal packing materials in order to more...

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

The first son bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

Her second son bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

Her youngest son had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is more...

A 25-year-old man walks up to a pharmacy counter and asks for condoms.
The clerk at the counter asks, "What size are you?"
25 man: I didn't know you had sizes. I'm not sure.
She puts her hand down his pants, feels it, and gets on the intercom: I NEED LARGE CONDOMS TO THE PHARMACY COUNTER, LARGE CONDOMS TO THE PHARMACY COUNTER, THANK YOU.
10 minutes later a 50-year-old man walks up to the counter and asks for condoms.
Clerk: What size are you?
50 yr old: I didn't know you had sizes. I'm not sure.
Clerk: Well, I'll feel it and get the right size for you. She puts her hand down his pants, feels it, and gets on the intercom: I NEED EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY COUNTER, EXTRA LARGE CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY COUNTER, THANK YOU.
Next a 16-year-old boy walks up to the counter and asks for condoms. Clerk: What size do you want? 16 yr boy: Gosh lady, I didn't know you had sizes. I don't know what size I am. Clerk: Well, I'll feel it and get more...

It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the teacher walked in the classroom, she noticed something was written on the chalkboard:. . . . "T TT1 A"

She looked at the children and said, "Who wrote this?" Johnny raises his hand and says, "I did, teacher."

"Well, what does that mean, Johnny?" asked the teacher. Johnny answers, "It means,' To TheTeacher 1 Apple'," and with that, he gave the teacher an apple.

"Very good," says the teacher, "Thank you."

The next morning, the teacher walks in the classroom, and notices, once again, something written on the board. This time, the chalkboard reads:.. . "T TT1 O"

She asked the children, "Who wrote this?"

Then Mary answers, "I did, teacher."

The teacher says, "Well, Mary, what does that mean?"

Mary says, "It means,' To more...

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman," lawyer replied, "Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question."

There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.
"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."
"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.
Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time-15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."
And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.
While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their more...

1 Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V. D. Clinic." 2 Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" 3 Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there." 4 The rebuttal to a turn-down: Man: "Want to Dance?" Woman: "No thanks." Man: "Don't thank me, thank God because somebody asked you." 5 Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." 6 Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "Female impersonator." 7 Man: "You know, I'd really love to travel to exotic places with you." Woman: (tries to ignore him) Man: "You know what? I also love sex. What do you say to that?" more...