Tender Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went. Guy 1: Yah.. I'm originally from Dublin, IrelandGuy 2: REally?! Me too! Guy 1: I went to O'Malley Highschool. Guy 2: I did too! What year did you graduate? Guy 1: 1988! guy 2: Same here! A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew eachother. The bar tender replied, " Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again."

What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments?
He puts his Leslie on "slow".

In the City of Istanbul, the Council authrorised Mayor Cornelius to receive tenders and award a contract to erect a fountain.
Tenderer Ricaldo submitted a tender for $3000. The breakdown being; $1000 for labour, $1000 for materials and $ 1000 profit.
Almeida submitted a tender for $6000. Labour $2000, Material $2000 and profit $2000.
Fernando submitted a tender for $9000. $3000 for tenderer Fernando as profit. $3000 for mayor Cornelius for the trouble. $3000 for tenderer - Ricaldo to erect the fountain.

Fernado, of course got the contract.

A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, "I would like a bourbon and...... a coke." The bar tender says "What's up with the big pause?" The bear said "I've had them all my life"

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.

The bar tender freaks out. "You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I'll beat the shit out of you..."

The man begins crying. "I'm sorry! Its ruining my life. I can't sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It's worrying me to death, please don't hit me..."

The bar tender takes pity. "Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist, here's his card, why don't you see him?"

The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank yous...

Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink.

The bartender says, "Okay, here you go... Wait! Weren't you that guy who.."

"Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely cured."

"Well, more...

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks "whats in the box". The man says "I'll show ya' if you get me a beer." So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano! Next the bar tender asks "hey! thats prety cool, where did ya' get that?" The man says" I'll tell ya' if you get me another beer." So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says "I got it from a geenie and a lamp"The bar tender says "If ya' let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I'll give ya' another beer." The man says "Oh, Okay!"The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp. The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out! The geenie says "Master, I grant you one wish, what is more...

A duck walks into a bar.
"do you have any grapes?" he asked.
Bar tender says, "no." Duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day.
he says, "got any grapes?"
Bar tender says, "no." Duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day.
and says, "do you gaot any grapes?"
Bar tender says "no. and if you come back, I'll nail
your beack to the floor." Duck Leaves.
Duck comes back the next day. he says,
"got any nails?" bar tender says, "no."
So the duck says, "got any grapes?".