Synagogue Jokes / Recent Jokes

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the service the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray
"God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Jacob goes back to the synagogue.
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!
Back to the synagogue.
"My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding more...

Three rabbis were talking over a regular Sunday morning breakfast get-together.
Rabbi Ginsberg says, "We have such a problem with mice at our schul. The shammos sets all kinds of baited traps but they kept coming back. Do either of you learned men know how I can get rid of these vermin?"
The second rabbi, Rabbi Cohen, replied, "We have the same problem at our synagogue, we've spent all kinds of gelt on exterminators but the problem still persists. Any suggestions?"
The third rabbi, Rabbi Slosberg, looked at Rabbi Ginsberg and Rabbi Cohen and told the following story:
"Rabbis, we had the same problem with mice at our synagogue. We tried traps, exterminators, even prayers; but nothing worked. Then one Shabbos after services were over a brilliant idea came into my mind. The next Shabbos I went to the synagogue about an hour before services started. I brought a big wheel of yellow cheese and placed it in the center of the bima. Well, soon, hundreds more...

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn`t need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I`m blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

An IRS agent stepped into a synagogue looking for the rabbi.
"Rabbi," he said when he found him," do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?"
"Well, yes, I do," said the rabbi.
"Is he a member of your congregation?" asked the agent.
"Uh, yes, he is," said the rabbi, "why do you ask?"
"I'm from the IRS. Can you tell me something? Did he make the $100, 000 donation to the synagogue, that he claimed on his tax return?" asked the IRS agent.
"I would have to check our records," replied the rabbi, "but if he hasn't, I can assure you that he will!"

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue. "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens more...

Cohen showed up at synagogue one Saturday and the rabbi almost fell down when he saw him. Cohen had never been seen in a synagogue in his life.
After Services, the rabbi caught Cohen and said "Mr. Cohen, I am so glad you decided to come here.
What made you come?"
Cohen said, "I got to be honest with you, Rabbi, a while back, I misplaced my favorite hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that Levy had one just like mine and I knew that Levi came to Services every
Saturday.
I also knew that Levy takes off his hat during Services and he leaves it in the back of the sanctuary. So, I was going to leave after the SHMAH and steal Levi's hat."
The rabbi said, "Well, Cohen, I notice that you didn't steal Levy's hat.
What changed your mind?"
Cohen said "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal Levy's hat."
The rabbi gave Cohen a big smile and said "After more...