Sven Jokes / Recent Jokes
Possibly offensive to Norwegians since Ole and Lena are from Norway but now live in the US. I am 100% norwegian so I figure I can get by with this! One day Lena stops Ole and tells him that the outhouse is full and he has to do something about it. Ole comments that Sven is comming over the next weekend, and since he has been going to an engineering school he should have an idea of the best way to handle the situation.
That weekend Sven comes over and Ole explains his dilemma. ..
"Sven, we got to do somethin' about the outhouse, it is full and Lena is getting very upset about it"
"Well Ole, I have an idea. We will place several sticks of dynamite around the outside of the outhouse with a fuse just long enough to allow us to run behind the house before it goes off. The outhouse will be blown straight up, the crap in the hole will be blown out into the fields to fertilize them, then outhouse will fall right back down to were it was."
Ole thought more...
Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation.
"Diesel fitter", he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week. When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.
The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."
Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.
"I sew the elastic on...
He pulls on it and more...
Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week. When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers." Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven." I sew the elastic on... He pulls on it and says,....." Yep, diesel fitter".
Sven and Ole decided to go parachuting. Sven jumps first, pulls his parachute cord, slowly drifts in the air, and enjoys the view.
Ole jumps after him, pulls his parachute cord but nothing happens. He pulls it again, this time as hard as he can, still nothing. He pulls the cord to the emergency chute, but that doesn't open either.
He passes by Sven like a speeding bullet.
Sven looks at him, and while unbuckling his parachute off his shoulders, says "Sooo, you want to race, do you???"
"I need to buy some boards there, Sven." "How long you want `em, Ole?" "Long time. I`m building a house, ya know."
Sven was buying his first TV. He went into the furniture shop where Ole worked as a salesman. "I vant to buy that nice TV over dere" Sven said. "Sorry, ve don`t sell TV`s to Svedes" Ole said. Sven was flabbergasted but refused to give up so easily. He bought himself a very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned a new accent. He came back to the furniture shop. "Hey, man, be cool. I really dig that TV there. How much you want for it, cat?" Sven asked. Ole didn`t pause in his response. "Sorry, ve don`t sell TV`s to Svedes!" Sven was flabbergasted and more determined than ever. He went to a neighboring city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. He came back to the furniture shop. "Howdy, partner, I`d sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, wa-ja say?" Sven asked. Ole again immediately responded, "Sorry, ve don`t sell TV`s to Svedes!" Sven stepped back, ripped off his more...