Supposedly Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. I have a friend who flew Lear Jets for the U. S. Air Force. He would occasionally be assigned to an air show where one of his tasks was answering questions about his plane. Someone would always point to the fuel tank and ask if it was a missile. His standard answer was, "I can neither confirm or deny the presence of nuclear weapons on this aircraft."

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world."The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway "In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse "A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio "He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer "An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio "This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service. "We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA) "He's going to step down' til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. GET OUT YOUR' PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS'WASHINGTON - When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a' 'portable hand-held communications inscriber,'' says a Republican senator.

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy." Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: "There's nothing athletes like - or indeed hate - more than hanging around like this." - David Coleman, BBC 1 TV "Not being in the Rumbelows Cup for those teams won't mean a row of beans,' cos that's only small potatoes." - Ian St John, ITV "Oldham are leading 1-0, a well deserved victory at this stage of the game." - Tommy Docherty, Picadilly Radio Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3: "We don't appear to have Jim Fish on the line at the moment." "Are there any more great swimmers in the pipeline?" - Cliff Morgan, BBC Radio 4 "Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold." - Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV "Well, I shall remember that catch for many a dying day."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Company Gives Something for NothingDear Ann, I think I can top the person who wrote complaining about the idiocy of the phone company. Talk about garbage in, garbage out! When AT&T split with Bell, we had three phones in our house. The equipment belonged to Ma Bell and the service belonged to AT&T. After we returned all the phone equipment to Ma Bell, we received a bill for $0. 00. A few weeks later, we received a check for $5 and a note thanking us. Several months later, we received another computerized bill for $0. 00. We called again, got nowhere, so we sent another check for $0. 00. A few weeks later we received another $5 refund with the same thank you. This went on every three months for two years. Now we are down to once a year and have given up trying to straighten this out. We just cash the $5 and forget about it.-- Linda K. R. in more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The city of Whittier, California was founded many years ago, mainly by Quakers. There is a prominent sign composed of large, brass letters on one of the financial institutions in that community identifying it as the Quaker City Bank. The last letter of the first word fell off during an earthquake yesterday, making the sign read "Quake City Bank."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9: A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7, 000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.