Suits Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    c/o Mattel, Inc.
    El Segundo, CA 90245
    To: Santa Claus
    North Pole, North Pole
    Dear Santa:
    Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list!
    1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
    2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear more...

    A man died and went to hell. There he was recived by the director angel of hell. The angel asked him "Are you from the first, second, or third world?".
    The man said "I am from the free world".
    The angel said "Go to department number 1".
    He went there were he saw another angel. The angel said "Since this part of hell is for the free domacratic world you have the choice for the way you are going to be punished. I will take you around and you will choose what suits you".
    He took him to the first room where people are being grilled on a charcoal. The man said "Ooooh this is too much for me".
    He took him to the second room where people are being fried in hot oil. He said "No this is too oily for me can't you take me to somthing which suits me. The angel asked him "Where do you come from".
    "I am British, said the man with a proud voice.
    "OK, go to room number 627 that is good for more...

    Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?" Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is' Microsoft'?" Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called' Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate." Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" Data "Yes, Captain. But when' Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an' upgrade'. The use of resources increases more...

    One day 2 irish men were walking down the street when one of them noticed a sign sayin
    "Shirts 4.99"
    "Suits 7.99"
    the first irish man thouht this was clearly a bargain and told his friend told his friend to go in and by 40 of each but to be careful not to let the the shop no he was irish as the shop would not serve him.
    the second irish man went in and asked for 40 shirts and 40 suits, but to his suprise the man behind the counter replied
    "your irish we dont serve the irish"
    the irish man tried at his best to convince the man he was not irish but kept getting the same respose
    "your irish we dont serve the irish"
    the irish man gave up trying and began to walk out of the shop but as he reached the door he asked the man if he could at least answer his question and the man saw no harm and listened to his question
    "how did you know i was irish" said the irish man
    the man behind the counter kindly more...

    When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

    Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

    A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

    The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

    While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

    Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.

    Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint more...

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