Stupid Jokes / Recent Jokes
December 26, 1999Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year more...
Q. What did the pink panther say when he steped on an ant?
A. "Dead ant, dead ant... dead ant, dead ant, dead ant..."
We wish to repeat an interesting business rumor.
If this one pans out, remember that you saw it
here first.
It is widely rumored today on the internet
that United Parcel Service and Federal
Express have begun preliminary discussions
regarding a potential merger.
The new company will be called: FedUp.
To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!
There were three little pigs named Shutup, Stupid, and Trouble, and they were driving a car through the countryside once day.
Trouble leaned too far out the window and fell out of the car, and then down a hill, so Shutup and Stupid started looking for him.
A police car stopped to see what was the matter, but when the cops asked what their names were, the pigs each said their names in turn.
"Shutup"
"Stupid"
Misunderstanding them, the cops asked them if they were looking for trouble, and they said "Yes, he fell out of the car and rolled down the hill."