Stranger Jokes / Recent Jokes
41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident." The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you using to gamble with?" The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
Mr. Jones, upon returning from a business trip was shocked to find his wife in bed with a stranger. The nude stranger was sprawled over the bed asleep.
"You rotten bastard!" yelled the husband..."I'm going to kill you!"
"Wait!, said Mrs. Jones".
You know that fur coat I got last winter?
Well, he gave it to me.
And that diamond ring we sold for $1000's?
Well, he gave it to me.
And remember when we couldn't aford a new car and I came home one day with a brand new chevy? Well, he gave it to me.
After hearing all this, Mr. Jones exclaims...
"For heaven sake woman, it's drafty in here."
"Cover him so he doesn't catch cold!"
Mr. Jones, upon returning from a business trip was shocked to find his wife in bed with a stranger. The nude stranger was sprawled over the bed asleep."You rotten bastard!" yelled the husband..."I'm going to kill you!""Wait!, said Mrs. Jones".You know that fur coat I got last winter? Well, he gave it to me.And that diamond ring we sold for $1000's? Well, he gave it to me.And remember when we couldn't aford a new car and I came home one day with a brand new chevy? Well, he gave it to me.After hearing all this, Mr. Jones exclaims..."For heaven sake woman, it's drafty in here.""Cover him so he doesn't catch cold!"
Two guys are sitting in a quiet, rundown bar, when a man, dressed very sharply in a dark suit and carrying a briefcase, walks in. The two guys are surprised to see such a man in their local bar.
"He looks like a lawyer to me," the first guy says.
"No, I'd say an accountant," his friend replies.
After bickering back and forth, the first man decides to go over to the sharply dressed stranger to settle the debate.
"Pardon me," he says, "but my friend and I were having a disagreement over there and were wondering if you could help. Tell me, are you a lawyer or an accountant?"
"I'm neither a lawyer nor an accountant," replies the stranger. "I'm actually a reasonable scientist."
"What the hell is a reasonable scientist?" cries the man.
"Well, allow me to give you a demonstration. Do you have any goldfish?" asks the stranger.
The man nods.
"Well then, if you have goldfish more...
For women - Helpful info.
For men - For the woman in your life.
PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:
Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise No. 1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 2:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends (or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position more...
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex more...