Stomach Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE BODY PARTS MEETINGOne day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge: The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The hands said: "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The stomach said: "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The legs said: "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. I'm the most important and I should be in charge." Then the rectum said: "I think I should be in charge." All the rest of the parts said: YOU?!! You don't do anything! You're not as important as we are, surely! You can't be in more...
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...
A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. At that moment, the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She is rushed to the hospital where she recovers. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says "You're going to have triplets. They're fine, but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. "Don' t worry," he says, "after a few years, the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."
Sure enough, the woman has three children. Two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing!". Her mother asks her what happened. Her daughter replies "I passed a bullet into the toilet." The woman comforts her and explains all about the incident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I' ve done a more...
From one Sardar to another:
S-l: "How many rotis can you eat on an empty stomach?"
S-2: "Why four!"
S-l: "Oh, what a fool, once you have taken one roti, you are no more with as empty a stomach as when you started."
S-2 has a hearty laugh at himself.
Not to be outdone, S-2 goes home to confront his missus with the same query as S-l. The missus is very busy mixing atta for the night meal and in disgust, upon the insistence of her Sardar, answers angrily, three rotis.
S-2 is upset. If only the missus had said four there could have been a good joke!
Once uravana was suffering from intense thirst. So he consulted
aspecialst. the doc told him mr. U. ravana ithink you are having
Diabetes so plaease sleep on an empty stomach and come tomorrow
tocheck your blood suger level. a worried Uravana went home to
see his wife enjoying her dinner. Uravana rushed to her and said
Darling please stop eating immeditely tonight i have to sleep
on anempty stomach before i go to doctor to get my blood tested.
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a more...
3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.
Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...
"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.
"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately. Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?", the other two enquire.
"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately. All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, more...