Steve Jokes / Recent Jokes

Steve is playing with his 3 friends at his tree in the back garden, and his mum comes out and shouts,
"If all four of you fall out of that tree and break both legs, then don't come running to me!"

Steve Wright:
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

Submitted by Peggie

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18, 000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1, 000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1. 5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, 1949

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with thebest people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.

"But what... is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." more...

Steve and Bert head out to play 9 holes of golf. "Let's make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on low score for the day," says Steve. "Sounds good to me," replies Bert.
After the 8th hole, Bert is ahead by one stroke but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball, Steve," Bert says. "You look over there." After a few minutes of looking, neither of them has had any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Bert takes a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "It's ok, I found it," he announces.
Steve looks at him and says, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd go and cheat me on golf for a lousy $5?"
"What are you talking about? I found my ball right here," replies Bert.
"Oh, and a liar too!" says Steve, with disappointment. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the past five more...

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.
2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?
3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?
4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?
5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!
6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?
7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line?
8. You have been on-line for 724 more...

Steve and Bill had been friends for more than 25 years and their friendship had weathered innumerable arguments. However, Steve, being the more intelligent one, had fared better than Bill in business and this was a constant source of irritation to Bill.
Steve was on his deathbed, with Bill hovering over him. In his last few moments, Steve called Bill closer to him and said, "Bill, you know we've been friends for a very long time. I have this one last wish which only you, my friend, can grant. Can I count on you?"
"Of course, just tell me what it is and I'll do it happily," Bill replied. "Anything for you, buddy."
"There's this bottle of the finest scotch which I've been saving for the last 15 years," Steve said. "I want you to pour it over my grave when I'm gone. Will you do it?"
"Certainly I'll do it," Bill said, "but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first?"

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY? 3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside? 4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK? 5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?! 6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names? 7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line? 8. You have been on-line for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming more...