Step Jokes / Recent Jokes

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"

About this time last year, I was sitting in my dentist's office waiting to have a root canal done, when I noticed a flyer (advertisement) for a "personal dental drill". After some interesting images went through my head, I asked the receptionist if they really sold these things and she said yes.
Well, it was three days before Christmas and I hadn't gotten the secretary in the office (Vivian) a present yet, so I bought one.
When I got home, I realized that there was no literature in the little package - no warranty card, no instruction, no nothing - so I wrote some. Below is the promotional flyer that came with Vivian's.

Thank you for purchasing the "digger" personal dental drill from ACME Corp., makers of do it yourself dental devices since 1939.
We hope you will get years of satisfaction from your new drill. The enclosed instruction manual provides step by step instructions for performing a variety of dental procedures from simple more...

The privilege of naming all the children of the tribe always fell to the chief. One day a small Indian boy asked him how he chose the names for all the children." Well, my son," the chief replied, "When I step out of my tepee, I name each child after the first thing I see." For instance, when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a pale moon rising, I say - you shall be called, Pale-Moon-Rising." "And when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a hawk flying over, I say - you shall be called, Hawk-Flying-Over." "So why do you ask, Big-Dog Pooping?"

More cool than funny, but... racecar racecar drawer reward repaid diaper straw warts evian naive [there's a message here, I think! ] smug gums star rats step pets step on no pets

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Gerrad, a friend of mine, bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Gerrad said; "I've got the latest model and it doesn't have a space bar." But after further explanation, he managed to find it. A week later, Gerrad again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Gerrad's head was spinning. "You don't need to go any further," he sighed, I don't understand a thing."To cheer him up, the instructor said: "Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone more...

24. You actually like marching band and would kill to do it all year long.
23. The drummers start making sense to you.
22. You have to stay in step with people around you while walking.
21. You direct the songs on the radio.
20. Playing "stare down" with the drum major is no fun anymore.
19. You wonder what life would be like if you weren`t in band.
18. You roll step while you walk to class.
17. You practice your marching music on a daily basis.
16. You think Louie Louie is the best song ever written.
15. You major in music and usse your high school band director as a role model.
14. Those stupid "band humor" jokes are the funniest things you ever heard.
13. You pick out instruments from the music in cartoons.
12. You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to people that walk in front of you on the way to class.
11. Drummers start making sense to you.
10. You`ve dated everyone in the band more...

There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain, these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well offer him a more...