Starts Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly couple returns home from a night out on the town. The husband immediately starts to pack his bags. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies,"I'm going to Bali."
"Bali?" she asks, "Why Bali?" The man says, "Simple. Every time you make love there they give you ten dollars."
The woman then immediately starts packing her bags. And her husband asks, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to Bali too."
The husband questions why she is going. She replies, "I want to see how you are going to live on twenty dollars a year!"
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque.""Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another."Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts more...
A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law's love her or at least appreciate her...
The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.
Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.
The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!
The next day, in more...
A Guy Opens A Bar To Make The Bar More Popular He Put A 10ft Fish Tank And Said Whoever Walks Into My Bar Has To Spit In It 2
Yrs Pass By And The Tank Is Full He Had To Empty The Tank Out Somewhere b'coz He Didnt Want To By Another Tank Saying That
This Tank Was Very Lucky So He Had A Competition It Was That If A Person Can Drink The Whole Tank Of Spit He Would Have A
Life Time Supply Of Booze. Three Contestants Sign Up So The 1st Contestant Sips And Sips And Starts Vomiting, The 2nd
Contestant Has Five Sips And Starts Vomiting, 3rd Contestant Sips And Stops Sips And Stops Like This He Finishes The Wholw
Tank So The Bar Owner Asked Him Why Did U Sip And Stop Sip And Stop So The Third Contestant Turns Around And Tells Him I Was
Chewing On The Lumps Of Saliva....
[Not good reading, but good for a group]
An older lady gets undressed and starts to get into the bathtub. She
gets about halfway into the tub and thinks, ''Was I getting into the
tub or getting out?'' She calls out, ''Bernice! Was I getting
into the bathtub or getting out?''
Bernice says, ''Well I don't know. I'll have to come up and look.''
Bernice starts walking up the stairs to the bathroom, gets halfway
up and thinks to herself, ''Was I going up the stairs or down?'' She
calls out ''Sally! Was I going up or down the stairs?''
Sally, down in the living room calls back, ''How should I know?'' and
thinks to herself, ''I'm glad I'm not losing my mind like the other people
in this house.''
So Sally starts...
Do you remember the punchline to this joke?
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of more...
two guys were walking down the street when they say a nice looking hoe standing beside them. One of the guys say " suck my dick! " and she goes "with honour folow me". the man leaves his friends and follows her up some stair to a room and goes inside. when they arrive in she goes i nthe bathrrom and comes back out naked. the man then quickly strips and lies down on the bed. the man then says " how much?" and the hoes says. " free for ur cock its so big so you can stick it right up inside me and probe my inners" the man grabs her thrust her onto the bed and fucks her hard in the pussy so hard she screams the whole flats down. the man then pulls his dick out throusts her onto her back and thrusts his cick into her asshole deep. she moans and says deeper! harder!!!. so he thrust harder and deeper into the pussy and she starts screaming. he then is coming close to orgasm so he whips his dick out and gets her to masturbate his long penis. he more...