Stan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroomFred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold them!

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.

"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.

"And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"

Stan said nothing.

The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"

"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"

"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Stan
Stan who?
Stan back or I'll be sick on your shoe!!!

Stosh and Stan were recently laid off when they decided to rob a bank. They planned for weeks so that everything would go smoothly when the heist took place. Stosh's job was to crack open the safe and detain the manager and Stan's job was to grab the money from the safe and the teller windows.
When the robbery took place, Stan gathered up all the money from the tellers but when he got to the safe, it was all tied up and the manager had a strange look on his face.
"STOSH!" Stan cried out. "I said BLOW THE SAFE and TIE UP THE MANAGER."
(For those of non-Polish descent, Stosh and Stan are well known "old world" Polish names)

Stan: Did you ever find your cat?
Dan: Yep, he was in the refrigerator.
Stan: Gosh, was he OK?
Dan: More than OK, he's a cool cat!

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan your ground! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan back, I'm knocking the door down! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan back, I'm going to sneeze! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan by your man! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan back, I'm coming through! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan!
Stan who?
Stan back or I'll shoot!Knock Knock
Who's there!
Stan and Della!
Stan and Della who?
Stan and Dellaver!

Incident at the old swimming pool
by jiM Mica
I'm sure I've mentioned that I swim at the pool at work whenever I can. The pool seems to be the exercise venue for the halt and the lame. Professor Richs started going there years ago when he hurt himself running. I go there with my obesity and diabetes. And, Dr. Stan has been swimming since he lost the front end of a foot in a car accident a while back. Before the accident he was an ardent runner.
Besides us old coots, the pool also serves as an exercise spot for many physically and/or emotionally challenged kids. They get brought to the pool by their parents and then get to swim under the watchful eye of our physical therapy students -and their instructors of course.
The strangest thing happened a few weeks back when Dr. Stan and I were leaving the pool for the showers and a bunch of the young kids were being readied for their turn in the water. As we walked by the kids, exchanging pleasantries as usual, one of the more...